The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
