47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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