I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
