my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
