I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
