Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
