Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
