Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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