Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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