sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
