I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
