Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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