you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
