The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
