you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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