tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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