If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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