Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
