Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
