mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
