idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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