Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
