how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
