I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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