I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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