hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
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Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
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So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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