He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
