if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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