friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
