Someone shit on the floor
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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