So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
