Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
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The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
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Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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