I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
