This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
