My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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