Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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