She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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