I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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