I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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