At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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