she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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