Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
