You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
