You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I am naked and annoyed.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
