as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
