Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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