So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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