Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
