she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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