took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
