It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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