white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
