i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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