I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
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