I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
