my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
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I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
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A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.