Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂