she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week