i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.