did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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