Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
