i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
