That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
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He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
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my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
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