Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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